When have I felt lonelier?

When have I felt colder?

Never, I'll think.

Never have I felt so remote from them.

And him. Fuck him. I feel pathetic for it, but fuck him. Not even the decency to say a word, you fucker. Not a single word. And I want to say, "Brendan, you are a fucking asshole. I cared so much, and I gave so much, I offered my soul, and you were so closed off, so distant. You knew, and you knew how I felt, you knew what happened, and you could not say a word. Not. A. Word."

But he would just laugh at me.

Like always.

... Three years, about, I've done this, I've pined.

I was so hopeful.

Going back there was a mistake. Hopefully with both of my mainier accounts closed, I can move on. just... get out.

I felt so alone, so stupid, so snubbed, so angry and so full of grief.

I miss my friends, I miss my loves.

Nora, Aaron, Linh, Rach, Nafi, Shelley, Ryan, Wayne, even Richie, Robi, fuck even Leon, why not. I miss everyone over the years and years. I miss Ryan, I miss Raven, Heather, the blue kids, the ones I never knew but wanted to, Allen, Trendz, Rtheory, fucking Anthem, I wanted to marry her, SpM, osmoticdespair, Baron Samedi... so many people.

Even him. Most of all, him.

Fuck you, Brendan.

I just get called a drama queen.

I hate this. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

I am up and it is nearly 5am and I am not tired. I will go clean my bathroom.