And very fast. A little worrying. But exciting. Scary. I take it one breath at a time, and things are done to my lungs and heart and my stomach - it flutters!
I am afraid.
I am going to hurt people, I am going to make a mistake and be selfish. I am going to fuck something up, but a part of me unconcerned; it is detached, disassociated, and wanting so very much to feel something new, feel selfish, feel anything but this nothingness.
I am empty and I am volatile in my loneliness, my anger and grief and burning desire for love, in any way I can get it.
So yes, this is going to be a mistake. But I can forget who I am and start again, maybe. Take a holiday from myself.
Pull on a new skin.
Maybe this is why I'm dangerous.
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