Limitations.

My single most debilitating weakness is my lack of confidence in my art, and the insecurity, followed closely and closely interconnected with my pride. I would be all too happy to let people believe I am good at what I do and what I am passionate about, and the careers and futures I will enthusiastically describe (things I never thought I would have to follow through with, but now my fear of oblivion has called my bluff) and I am so unsure of myself and absolutely dread showing in real time my skills, any of them, and I screw up so often, and no one really knows how much I absolutely struggle with myself and rail against my incompetence. When you know in your heart of hearts that you are completely inept at what defines you, pursuing it just feels like a pipe dream.
And people will say "oh but Shannyn you're a great artist, you can do so much we cannot" but it's never good enough for me, and when I see people my age flourish and surpass me, I seethe, and it's an envy I loathe about myself, and I'm very aware it stems from a deep seated phobia of failure, but I can't stop it. It seeps in, black and viscous and grainy.
This, and on top, my bruised and beaten pride, that fuels my hot fires when I am revealed as alone, incomplete, inept and shamed. Shamed far more than necessary.
Every fuck up, even in only my own company, I am publicly disgraced, disowned, lynch mob and all.
I never even had a chance.