I say stupid things.

Things like "I love you", "I like you" and "maybe someday. You never know what could happen"
And then I don't know to take them back and explain I said them in a moment of feverish, blooming feelings!
And it wasn't what I meant at all. And I give people false hope, lead them on, and feed my goddess complex with their adoration but sometimes it just makes me feel awkward and dirty, like things crawling under my skin.
"You're so beautiful, you're so perfect, you're such a good person"
Crawling, skittering, many legged things, with pincers that click and tiny shoes for tiny feet, so they don't leave little many legged track marks in my flesh, but rather, brand name treads.
So, upon realising my mistake, I immediate pull back (whoa Nelly!) and try to be cold and aloof and cool (like Ray Bans cool) and impassive, or sometimes compassionate and sisterly or maternal. And sometimes it never works. Sometimes they get the idea, the smart ones.
I wish I didn't have such a fixation with love.
Loving, fucking, being loved, being fucked.
If I didn't, maybe I could avoid breaking so many hearts to get my fix, but maybe it's just in my nature.