You know, this is ridiculous.

I am utterly blown away by the bullshit in my life. I go on a date, seeing an old friend for the first time in years, someone I've realistically known since I was 12, and even then we really hit it off. We went to high school together, for fuck's sake, I was going to be in his band. We were okay friends then, and I was close with his girlfriend of all those years too. I go out with him, see him twice for the first time in years, and suddenly EVERYONE JUST LOSES THEIR SHIT.
Everyone just lost their composure and it seems like every person in my life is conspiring to make me feel like shit, and all I can do is despair and go "wtf you vindictive shits."
I am so sick and tired of not being happy. You would think anyone would be happy to see me smile again. But I forgot all that unconditional love is bullshit. I can only be happy when I'm doting and devoted to them. It's such utter BULLSHIT. No one actually cares about my well being. What am I supposed to do with myself?
I'm just angry. I want the people that love me to go "okay, Shannyn. we know you've gone through a rough time, and you still are, but haven't seen you this happy in so many years. We haven't seen you excited like this in years. I mean, we haven't even seen you want to do something normal like this. When was the last time you went on a traditional date? Oh, never? You've never just done something normal like this? Well of course we can be happy for you! Every girl deserves something normal and tangible to hold on to. So we see that you're giddy and ecstatic and we're happy for you to feel free and have something new in your life that is not marred by your mistakes, or living under your mother's shadow. How nice!"
I just wanted a fucking clean slate, a fresh start with someone I get along with really well.
So guess what, you fuckers.
He calls me Nynny. He snuggles me and I beep his nose and I love the way he feels.
Be happy for me or leave me be.

/raaaaaaage.